


She's My baby

by Masqueradehfx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Fluff, M/M, grandfather Harry, grandfather Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 18:52:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masqueradehfx/pseuds/Masqueradehfx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dedicate to: http://theladitudes.tumblr.com/  My 1000th Tumblr Follower. Also, sorry for being a month late with it!</p>
<p>This is just a idea that haunted me for a while. A collection of scenes and one liners that I wanted to write. Essentially, my take on Harry and Louis becoming grandparents for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's My baby

It always made CJ groan just a little when she opened her baby book. Seriously, who started a baby book with newspaper clippings about a boy band from 22 years ago? But here they were

“Happy 20th Birthday Mr. Styles – Louis Tomlinson proposes and outs the couple in the same video message!”  
“They’re Out! The Larry Stylinson Exclusive!”  
“Harry Styles says of Louis Tomlinson: I’m in love with Lou, but you already knew that!”

Seriously, who proposes in the middle of a twitcam broadcast? Of course, it always did bring a smile to CJ’s face to see them both so happy. And then on page two, more clippings; this time about the happy couple announcing that their surrogate was due in November of 2014. And then the media frenzy over the naming of the child – really, did Harry really have to mention that their daughter’s name was picked because they had both gotten hooked on reruns of “The West Wing” while on tour. But there it was, her very first baby picture, just minutes old, in the arms of her Papa Louis and Daddy Harry, their little Claudia Jean Tomlinson-Styles … or Styles-Tomlinson; it had been more than 20 years since their wedding and they still couldn't decide on the hyphenation!

Of course her Dad felt it was providence that she decided to enroll in public relations and journalism at NYU, and had great plans for her to be “The woman behind the words of the King!” Papa was just happy that he had not raised a completely soulless monster when she decided in her first year to drop out of the management program. He still had issues with “those bastards in management” all these years later.

CJ snuggled closer into her quilt and checked the time again. The quilt was a gift from her uncles, sewn together from snippets of clothing they had worn while on that stadium tour before she was born. Every night they would come off stage, grab their clothing, and cut a large square of fabric for her quilt. It had gone everywhere with her for the last 22 years, seen her through the best of times and the worst as well. A little piece of home to hold on to when her dads were not making use of the spare bedroom in the Greenwich Village apartment they bought when she enrolled. It was her lucky quilt, one her grandmothers added too over the years, so that as she grew, it grew with her. It was her good luck charm.

She checked her watch … yep, 15 minutes. God she hoped the quilt still had some luck left in it! Her Dads would be meeting her at the airport tomorrow when she went home for her Christmas break, and this was one conversation she did not want to have. CJ reached for the device on the table beside her bed, took three deep calming breaths, and opened her eyes.

Well fuck! 

But CJ knew what she had to do. She had made up her mind a couple of weeks ago, really, but had hoped to avoid it as long as possible. All that was left now was to make the phone call.

“Auntie Lottie, It’s CJ. UHM … could you give Auntie Gemma a call for me, and come with the Dads when they fetch me from the airport tomorrow. We have a little problem...”

~+~

This was the part of coming home CJ always hated the most – the airport. Not the airport in particular, just her dads at airports. For whatever reason, they had this perverse idea that the entire point of meeting her was to embarrass her as much as possible as quickly as they could manage. Hopefully having Lottie and Gemma there would help keep them behaved; or at least they could tackle one of her parents if things got out of hand.

CJ had just barely emerged from the arrival gate when she knew it was all useless wishful thinking. The thrum of the arrival concourse what shattered by the scream of “MA BABY! MA BABY’S COME HOME TO ME!” Damn … Dad this time. At least Papa could pull off a dramatic scene. Dad would just make a complete arse of them all.

She plastered on a strained smile as Harry bounded over to her. The forty-two year old hipster rocker who never did learn how to properly use his baby giraffe legs; tripping over a suitcase, wheeling rather ungracefully around an older and unamused gentlemen in a nice suit, nearly knocking the head off a porter who just barely ducked a flailing arm, before skipping to a halt just in front of CJ. And … Ah hell … he’s smirking … it’s never good when he’s smirking. “Dad…” she began in a warning tone, which was all but ignored as Harry threw his head back to begin to serenade his daughter.

“Isn’t she lovely, Isn’t she wonderful! Isn’t she precious, less than one minute old!” he crooned.

CJ just shook her head and did her best to get a hand over his mouth. Really, who the hell needed a mouth this big! “Damn it, Dad, I’m 22! And you’re a dork! Stop it!” she demanded as he licked at her hand. “Bloody hell, who the hell needs a mouth this big? Stop licking me!”

“I rather like his big mouth. Very pretty, very useful, very…”

“PAPA! NO! Not in public!” she scolded, “You two are disgusting, you know that! I thought teenage lust was supposed to stop when you stopped being teenagers!”

Louis just laughed as he nudged the still singing Harry out of the way to embrace his daughter. “Hello little miss,” he whispered into her ear, “I’ve missed you.”

CJ sighed and melted into her Papa’s arms. It was good to be home. “I missed you too, Papa,” she replied with a smile. 

Louis released her a moment later, once Harry realized that every moment spent singing was a minute less to be spent hugging his daughter. “I hate when you go away, baby girl,” he moaned as he wrapped his arms around her, nearly hugging her and himself again in the process. “Why are the gruesome twosome tagging along, baby girl? What have you done now? You’re not expelled are you?”

CJ wiggled herself free from the knot of Harry’s arms and headed towards the waiting arms of Lottie and Gemma. “Let’s just get some lunch before we head home, OK, Dad? Papa? Auntie Gem made reservations for us already. We’ll talk over lunch. I have some … uhm … news. Yeah?”

~+~

Harry was sobbing uncontrollably as Louis calmly ate his risotto. “My baby girl...” kept on muttering between sobs. Apparently bringing them to a large and quite full family restaurant was not preventing a scene after all. That the restaurant was hosting a child's birthday party didn't help. Just when Harry seemed like he was pulling to together, he would glance across the room to the little girl in the princess dress, complete with tiara, and lose it all over again. But it wasn't Harry's crying that worried CJ, it was Louis. He was calm. Too calm. Quietly eating, looking at Harry with the patience of a saint and a small smirk on his lips.

CJ curled closer to Harry, if for no other reason than to slightly loosen the death grip his right arm had around her shoulders. “Dad, damn it, get a hold of yourself! Yes, I'm pregnant. It happens. Apparently the 98% effective warning on condoms isn't a joke.”

Louis snickered. He actually fucking snickered, and CJ was starting to get … annoyed.

“What?” she demanded of Louis. “You've not said a word since I told you I was pregnant, and now your laughing at me.”

“I did not laugh at you, Little Miss,” Louis politely corrected, his lips twisted into an almost devilish grin. “My dear young husband on the other hand … anyway, CJ, you never did tell us how you did on your Media History final. I recall you mentioning that you were struggling with the section on War Correspondents.”

CJ startled just a little. Did he really just ask that? “I … uhm … I think I did OK, actually, Pops. It's still hard to decipher the journalism from the propaganda, but I suppose that's the point.” CJ paused a moment as Harry yet again peppered her forehead in kisses. “Pops, come on, is that really what you want to talk about? You don't have anything to say about my being pregnant.”

“Nope,” Louis responded as he tucked back in to his meal.

“Son of a bitch … I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him!” Harry suddenly exclaimed, making everyone jump a little, except for Louis. 

Lottie reached over Gemma's shoulder to touch Harry, “Come on Harry, you know how my brother...”

“Not him!” Harry exclaimed as he began to violently worry his napkin, “Mark. The inconsiderate prick. He did this to you! I'm going to rip it off and...”

“DAD!” CJ exclaimed, slapping her hand over Harry's mouth for the second time today. “Stop, please. It … Mark and I … damn it … I dumped Mark last summer, OK. It wasn't Mark.”

Well that certainly got everyone's attention. Even Louis seemed interested, even if that damned grim was a full blown smirk now. He really did look smug for some incomprehensible reason.

“His name is Jade; well, JD, but we all call him Jade. We met last summer when I went to the Glastonbury Festival. Found out he was a student at NYU Tisch. We kept in touch over the summer and in September … well … yeah. And now here we are. But seriously,” CJ continued, her voice dropping into a rather warning tone, “HE didn't do anything to me. I was an active participant.” OK, wrong choice of words – Harry seems to have gotten sick in his mouth a little. “And … well, he may not have taken the news all that well. I'm sort of not sure ...” she trailed off.

Louis laughed now, full on belly laugh. “Check mate, Little Miss. Now, shall we get a bottle of wine to celebrate out baby's triumphant return and brilliant wit?”

CJ sighed again. “Pops, I'm pregnant. I can't drink. Seriously, what's your problem?”

“Ok, CJ, enough with the games or you'll get no dessert,” Louis threatened, leaning forward. “You may be able to play Harry like a harp from hell, and lord knows how you convinced these two to play along with it, but the joke is getting old now,” he said as he signaled to a waiter.

Holy shit, thought CJ, he was serious! “Pops … Papa … I am pregnant. This is not a joke.”

Louis leaned back in his chair and narrowed his eyes a little. “Claudia Jean you are not pregnant. I may be turning 44 in a week and a half, but in order for you to be pregnant I would have to be old enough to be a grandfather. And since I am not, you are not. End of discussion. A bottle of red or white?”

Harry's eyes nearly feel out of his head. “Oh sweetie...” he whispered across the table.

“FUCK OFF, HAROLD!”

~+~

Christmas holidays became an adventure. Liam and Zayn were thrilled at the prospect of a grandniece to spoil rotten; and Louis stopped talking to them for a week. Niall was so furious that Gemma threatened to cut him off sex and Nandos for a month, but eventually bargained down to a simple divorce and telling his mother. Louis bought him a subscription to a dozen different meat and cheese clubs.

Christmas day was the worst. After the almighty pout the night before that was supposed to have been Louis' 44th birthday party, the family gathered together to exchange gifts and eat until someone died (or at least that was Niall's plan until his wife intervened.) As everyone else gifted CJ with maternity clothing and baby books, Louis gave her an embarrassingly skimpy bikini to wear the coming summer during what he announced to be a “massive family vacation someplace warm, young, and free of babies!”

Harry, on the other hand, was simply stroppy; which left CJ cursing her Facebook. Poor Harold decided to creep his daughter's friends, and found Jade's page. The father of his grandchild. In leather … a LOT of leather … pierced eye brows, snake bites, tattoos covering both arms and chest, hair that would rival even Harry at the height of his fashion … and sweet mother of god he was lead singer in a punk/grunge band! He was Harry's worst nightmare come to life. Harry was not opposed to the idea of being a grandfather – quite the opposite, really, he missed having a baby in the house – but HIM! Did it have to be this … manwhore!

Christmas day really went downhill when Jay produced the parcel that had arrived by courier yesterday, with strict instructions that CJ was not to open it until Christmas Day. It was plainly wrapped, with a return address for a post box in the small village of Warwick Bridge – a gift from Jade. Louis seemed all but oblivious to the proceedings as CJ opened the present, while Harry was heard banging things around in the kitchen muttering ravings about “fucking northerners.” The small white shirt box, was wrapped in fine black paper decorated with punk teddy bears in Santa hats, and the contents reduced everyone except Louis to tears. Jade had sent a miniature leather jacket, crested on the back with a green shield with three golden gauntlets, and just the right size for a newborn. Even Harry was forced to admit that it was cute, even if he still planned to murder the man at the earliest available opportunity. No one seemed to notice that Louis just continued to talk about holiday destinations, completely oblivious to everything and everyone else.

CJ returned to New York and Jade right after New Year's, and for a time things seemed to settle into a comfortable, if not weird, pattern. Louis began to insist that the band plan another tour and album for the coming fall, and absolutely ignored anyone who reminded him that CJ was due in August. And of course there was brief moment of insanity when he “test drove” the $250,000 McLaren sports car, cherry red, naturally. Luckily he had not signed any contracts, and the casual comment from Harry that he “looked like an old man in a mid-life crisis” had the car back in the showroom within the hour. 

Over time the prospect of a baby began to override Harry's desire for murder, and he soon joined Gemma and the rest on their shopping trips to outfit the nursery. He still refused to speak to Jade, happy to pretend that he didn't exist, but he at least acknowledged that the man had stepped up and was escorting CJ to all of her OBGYN appointments. Harry and Louis only argued once about the baby, near the end of February, when the first ultrasound picture was sent. Harry printed and framed the picture. Louis thought it was a Rorschach Test and used it as a coaster for his drink.

The peace held until mid-May, when Harry and Louis flew to help CJ pack up her New York apartment, and escort her home.

~+~

The “garden” was always the thing CJ loved the most apart this apartment. Not the view from the 15th floor penthouse, not the huge open concept of the living room and kitchen, not even the hot tub in the master bathroom – Ok, maybe the hot tub. No, no, it was the garden, always the garden. She worked hard over the last three years to get the green shrubs, climbing vines, small trees, and multitude of beds for her flowers and vegetables to grow. And on an already warm morning in May, the patio garden was her oasis away from the chaos of her life. Her dads would be arriving soon, and it would start, again. And at six months pregnant, she really had less than no time for their shit. 

All she wanted to do was relax in the lounge chair with her tea, and remember a simpler time when Louis wasn't having a mental breakdown and Harry wasn't a nervous wreck about her “ability to handle a baby.” Of course, she probably shouldn't have mentioned the fact that she was amazed any government agency was negligent enough to entrust a child to the care of either of them; but he started it! It was a low blow to mention the fucking cats!

CJ looked over to the small flowering cherry tree growing in the corner where the wall met the patio railing. It really wasn't her fault that Dusty III thought leaping from the chair to grab at perched finch was a good idea. She would have told him that the “bush” on the other side he planned to land on was just a reflection from the mirrored patio glass, and that 9 lives was not enough to get him down 15 floors to street level. And seriously, how the hell could she predict that Dusty IV would sneak through an open door during last year's Halloween party, mistake a hanging plastic bat for the real thing, and be just as stupid as his predecessor? She could care for things! She really could. Despite her dad's fears about the baby ending up in the dishwasher and the dishes spending the night in a crib.

CJ's hands went back to her belly and the now kicking baby. “Good morning little one,” she said softly, rubbing the spot gently. “You trust me, right baby?”

Two loud bangs and an even louder curse were all she needed to know that the parents had arrived. Two days in NYC to see the bigger items on to the shipping truck, and then home to London to await a child with a very promising mixed martial arts career.

“It's fine, Harold! I don't need help with the luggage you bloody wanker!”

That sound could only mean someone just had a suitcase thrown at them.

“Kiss me arse, Louis! The luggage can wait! I need to see my baby and her baby!”

Impressively, it only took three attempts for CJ to get off the lounge chair. Two less than yesterday – the yoga was helping. As she moved through the kitchen to greet her parents at the elevator doors, she grabbed her phone and made an all important call.

“Hi, Mrs. Brent. ... No, sweetie, I didn't have a fall. It's them. They've arrived. … Yes, I'll tell them. And I hope the ear plugs I got you work. … I'll miss you and your muffins too!”

CJ intercepted Harry as he lollopped across the room with arms swung wide. “Slow down, Dad, before you make the baby kick my kidney out. They seem to have a thing for my right kidney this week.”

Harry just stopped and smiled broadly, slowly engulfing CJ in his arms. “You gorgeous girl,” he whispered in her ear. “I have missed you both so very much.”

The happy reunion was interrupted by another bang and a curse from the foyer. “LUGGAGE! Inconsiderate families are bad families you know!” Louis shouted before popping his head around the corner. “Why did you call Mrs. Brent?”

CJ barked out a laugh as she pulled away from Harry. “To warn her you were here. Your bedroom is above hers. Poor woman comes all the way from Alaska to New York to care for her grandkids, and you loud buggers arrive and make her think she's being set upon my wolves in the night. Inconsiderate horndogs.”

In the coming years, Harry and CJ would often debate if the sound Louis made sounded more like an Elephant being startled by a mouse, or simply an overexcited bovine (and not at all of the axe murderer variety so common in Chesire!) Louis stood stock still, frozen, really, except for his left arm which repeatedly pointed at CJ in a jerky fashion, and his jaw which seemed to have detached from the rest of his face and swung freely in the wind. 

Harry rushed to his side, to steady him as he appeared ready to fall over. Indeed, as soon as Harry touched him, Louis' legs began to wobble and his knees to buckle. “She's … Harry … but … but …,” Louis mumbled, unblinkingly staring at CJ’s baby bump as one would a monster in a horror film. “H...H...Harry … CJ … SHE'S PREGNANT!” he finally blurted as the last of his strength departed and he sunk to the floor.

“Jesus Christ,” CJ exclaimed, “Is he fucking serious?!”

Harry gently shushed her as he stroked Louis' hair. “Sweetie, really? She told us before Christmas.”

Louis violently shook his head. “No. No. Nope! No!! That was a joke. It was all just a joke. Harry, this joke isn't funny anymore. She can't be pregnant, because I'm not old enough! I don't … I can't … she …” Louis continued, until his eyes burst wide open in horrific shock. “HARRY,” he very loudly whispered, “IF she's pregnant, then that means … oh my god my little miss is not a virgin!”

“Oh baby,” Harry cooed as CJ moved closer to watch her Papa burst into tears.

“Dad … uhm … did I break Papa?” he asked quietly.

Harry just laughed and nodded. “Yes baby girl. Snapped his little mind like a twig, I think. Let's get him to the sofa to have a little rest. He's aged quite a lot in the last five minutes. That must be tiring.”

~+~

After two full days with her parents, spent packing, talking, and packing some more, CJ was more than happy for the eight hours of peace the flight home offered. All things considered, she supposed it could have been worse. Louis was still acting weird – lots of secret phone calls he thought no one was noticing – but after 22 years she expected weird from him. And at least Harry no longer wanted to drive directly north from the airport to murder Jade. God that was an unpleasant conversation.

Things really were great until the beginning of May, just three weeks before she returned to the UK. And then the call came – Jade's father had died. She understood why he did not want her to come home with him for the funeral, sort of. And she almost understood, but didn't like, when he decided not to return the following week for the last week of school; they would see each other in a few weeks – she could live with that. But there was no way in hell she understood why he called just four days ago to tell her that he was breaking things off because it was “complicated” and “mother does not approve of this relationship.” Baby be damned, apparently! The prick. So yeah, maybe she considered a drive north too, if for no other reason than to hand him the balls his mother had apparently cut off, but maybe that was just pregnancy hormones talking? Oh, and did she mention he was a prick?

At this point all she wanted to do was get home, crawl into her bed, and sleep until it was time for the baby to start school. Unfortunately, Louis was her father.

“What the actual fuck?” Harry asked as he turned their car onto the lane leading up to the house. “Where the fuck did my drive way go?!”

The asphalt was completely torn up, as was part of the grass, as was the section of the old stone wall that had been leaving over since she was a child, as was … well, most everything, really.

Louis turned in his seat to face Harry and released the kind of sigh only a patient saint can muster. “Harry, really? The asphalt was cracked in numerous places. The baby could have tripped and hurt itself,” he replied calmly. The mysterious secret calls … right.

“Louis, sweetie, loveykins,” Harry replied as he tried to school the annoyance in his voice, “Why would the baby be in the driveway in the first place?”

Louis' eyes went wide in sudden shock. “Oh my god, Harry! My god, you're right! There are cars in the driveway! That's far too dangerous for the baby!” Louis exclaimed. “Can we … no, no … we need the cars in the driveway...” he pondered to himself, “but the baby... A Fence! We fence off the driveway! Yes, that … how high should it be? Eight feet? Babies can't climb that, can they? Better make it ten. OH shit, Harold, babies are small! It could crawl under a gap! We'll have to recess the fence!”

Harry shook his head in disbelief as he pulled up in front of the house. “Let's talk it over later, ok, love? The baby is not due for another three months. I think we have time before we need to finish the prison yard.”

“Three months!” Louis shouted as he hopped out of the car. “God we only have three months to get this deathtrap ready for our grandbaby! My god I'll never understand why you two kept this a secret from me for so long!” 

Louis grabbed a suitcase and jogged to the house, calling out for the contractor who was somewhere inside.

CJ asked Harry, “Was he like this when I was a baby?”

Harry shook his head. “Nope, sorry sweetie. He was a calm as a cucumber. I was the nervous wreck.”

Nope, CJ was not going to be offended at that. Nope. Not at all. “Dad, I may murder papa before the summer is out,” she sighed calmly as she walked up to the house.

“And I'll help you hide the body, baby girl. At least the garden is already dug up.”

~+~

A cool May gave way to a pleasant June and time for CJ to relax in the pool (buoyancy is a godsend at 7 months!). A pleasant June turned into a July heatwave straight from the pits of hell! Eight months pregnant in 30C+ weather was definitely not what she had signed up for, and every Y chromosome on the planet must suffer accordingly. Harry had taken to limiting the amount of time he spent within arms reach, relying on Gemma and Louis' sisters to take care of the vicious pregnant woman who may or may not be possessed by a demon. Louis, however, was completely oblivious to even her worst fits of heat-and-karate-master-kicking-baby temper. He took it all in stride, spending hours each day dragging anyone who was willing off to do more baby shopping (usually Niall due to bribes of food and beer). It was actually a rare occasion for Harry, Louis, CJ, and Gemma to all be at home at the same time, and with no one hiding or wanting to secretly strangle another. It was one such day near the middle of July, about four weeks before her due date, that Jade dropped himself on her doorstep.

Now really, it was Gemma's fault for texting Niall and telling him to delaying bringing their kids over for a pool party because of Jade's arrival. After fifteen years of marriage she should have known what he was like! And it really should not have come as any surprise to her when, not more than 20 minutes later, Niall barreled into the house, three kids in tow, all wielding cricket bats, looking fit for murder.

“RIGHT!” Niall bellowed, “Where the hell is he?!”

“Yeah! Where is the English Prick?” Anne shouted.

“Oi! Language young lady!” Gemma warned the six year old before settling a cold glare upon her husband. “Niall James Horan, what the hell do you think you are doing?”

Sean, smarmy 13 year old that he is, answered for him. “Apparently the wanker what knocked up CJ needs his balls adjusted out his nose.”

The gods smiled upon Niall in that moment, since Zayn and Liam rushing into the room, each with a screaming toddler in their arms, was enough to distract Gemma from widowing herself right then and there. 

Zayn looked more in a panic than Liam, which itself was disturbing. “When did they leave? Is she ok? Is the baby ok? It's really early, like dangerous early, innit? Did anyone call Jay? Or Anne? My god why hasn't anyone called anyone?! And why is CJ laying on the sofa?” Zayn finally stopped long enough to take a breath and narrowly avoid needing a trip to the hospital himself. “CJ, why are are you laying on the sofa and not at the hospital?”

CJ lifted a quizzical eyebrow at her uncle as she swirled her Popsicle in her mouth. “Why would I be at the hospital?”

“Niall called,” Liam explained, “I couldn't really understand him, all he kept saying was that we had to get over here because the damned kid arrived. Niall, what the hell, dude?” Niall cringed a little as Liam punched his arm, “We were about to put the twins down for a nap you tool.”

Gemma sighed and simply pointed to the patio doors. Louis and Harry stood on either side of the doorway, with all 6'6” of Jade between them.

“Fucking hell he's a Hill Giant!” Niall proclaimed as he dropped his cricket bat and kicked it under the sofa. “No one said he'd be a giant.”

Jade offered Niall a polite half grin before turning his attention to CJ. “Your Uncle Niall? I thought you were joking. Wow!” he said before turning back to the rest. “I suppose I should properly introduce myself. I am Jordan Devon Samuel Fay, JD or Jade for short; and it is a pleasure to meet you all.” The Eaton accent was almost overpowering the northern baroque, but it was still there, if only just.

Indeed, Jade did cute the fine figure of a man. Tall, lean muscle in a well tailored summer cotton suit of light gray, with an emblem embroidered on the pocket: A solid green shield with three gauntlets of fine gold thread.

Harry nudged him, a small smirk on his face. “Tell them the rest,” he urged.

Jades gave a very heavily put-upon sigh. “The 16th Earl of Westmorland.”

“The Hill Giant's fucking royalty,” chuckled 11 year old Seamus, earning a cuff behind the each from both Niall and Gemma.

Niall stood in front of Jade, his eyes defiant and indignant. “But we saw pictures … the piercings … the tattoos …”

Jade just laughed. “Clip-on and an air brush. I don’t know what it was like in your day, mate, but some of us can rock without looking like ancient cave art.”

Over the next hour Jade retold the story he had explained to Harry, Louis, CJ, and Gemma earlier. Upon the passing of his father, the title and lands became his. However, his mother, something of a mercurial sort of woman, did not approve of him taking up with the “offspring of those sort of people”; she may or may not have once been a fan of a certain band who shall remain unWanted, and apparently held one hell of a grudge when she was in a bad mood. It took some convincing, followed by some threatening, followed my more convincing and negotiation to warm her up to the idea of Jade recognizing the legitimacy of the child, and thus the child's right to inherit the Earlship. But dear Mommy's blessing came with a price: she would not allow a “bastard to sully the estate”. Jade didn’t get the chance to finish his thought.

Niall immediately dropped to the floor looking for his cricket bat because the “fucking English Lord is about to meet his Lord, tower be damned!” and other such continuous expletive laced threats of escalating and, possibly, physically impossible violence. Zayn passionately questioned why anyone would make such patriarchal and antiquated demands, and this had better not be how Jade viewed his niece, as an accessory to his estate. Liam got a kick to the leg from Niall when he expressed his sincere happiness and excitement for another wedding because, well, the boy loved weddings! And of course Gemma was yelling at Niall to shut the hell up, help coral the now uber-hyper kids, and yeah, shut the hell up. Liam then decided to start shouting at Harry about all of the wedding plans they had to make, while Zayn bared his teeth at Louis for letting someone so sexists anywhere near his niece. And Niall, well, he just yelled at everyone.

It only took a few minutes before everyone was yelling at someone else. Well, everyone except Jade and CJ. “I asked him to marry me,” he said softly amid the noise. “It was my idea,” she continued, a little louder this time. A few more seconds of shouting and bedlam passed, enough to awake the baby and get it kicking up a storm. Harry could see the moment the baby connected with CJ’s bladder, and her patience for the universe vanished. He almost felt sorry for Niall as she grabbed a handful of the thick hair at the back of his head and neck and all but lifted him off the floor like a misbehaving puppy. “Shut up, Uncle Niall, or I swear to god, I’ll fucking snap you like a wet towel.” It was probably the calm and almost hopeful way she said it, but something about the tone of her voice was enough to shut everyone up almost instantly. Even Niall stopped whimpering like a puppy and clawing at her hand on the back of his neck.

“Jade came here today to tell me that he had refused his mother, and that he will renounce his title if necessary. He didn’t ask or pressure me into everything. It was my idea. I asked him to marry me. Again.”

“Again?” Louis croaked out in shock. “What’s this again business? You asked him before?”

CJ smiled and rubbed her belly, “Yeah, about 36 week ago. We celebrated, didn’t we baby?”

Harry may or may not have gotten a little sick in his mouth, again.

~+~

Jade returned north the next day to advise his mother of the developments and prepare the Dowager Lady Westmorland to travel to London late the following week for the wedding. He had set out first thing to obtain the marriage license and make the necessary plans. They would get married at the house, obviously, as CJ refused to move any distance away from the pool or her Popsicles. And CJ pretty much remained on the sofa as much as possible – she liked her little nest. Anyway, the July heat was driving her mental, the AC was just not up to the job, and the baby was kicking the bejesus out of her. The little one was as uncomfortable as her, it seems, and simply would not stop moving. But otherwise, things seemed to have returned to normal.

Too damned normal, CJ thought late one night, if the sounds coming from upstairs were any indication. Men in their 40’s acting like horny teenagers in this heat was just … if she had the strength to move from the nest she might just take a lesson from her own baby and kick the shit out of them both! But her grandmothers were arriving the next day, along with Jade and her future Mother-in-Law (Monster-in-law more likely!), and the day after she was getting married.

The bottom step always creaked, and it was always Louis to be the one to forget about it. CJ lifted her head above the edge of the sofa to watch him creeping along, thinking he was being quiet. “Where are you going at this hour? Any why are you playing with the car remote?” she asked, making her Papa jump a mile and throw the fob into the bowl of other keys and fobs near the door.

Louis spun around like a naughty child caught sneaking out. “Going? Who is going? Kitchen… yes, Kitchen! I was going to the kitchen for … water?” he stammered before turning around and marching off into the kitchen.

CJ just shook her head and twisted more to get a better look at him. Christ, his neck looked like he took a bath in leeches! Bloody silly old men they were. He couldn’t help but give a little laugh.

OH! BAD IDEA! The baby didn’t like laughing, apparently. That sort of … hurt … hmmmm.

“Ok sweetie, I’m back to bed,” Louis called as he moved back to the stairs. Again, he thought he was being sneaky as he moved back to the key bowl and grabbed the car remote again. Really, she didn’t want to know. And right now, she didn’t care. Her lower back was killing her! 

Ten minutes later she took another spasm. Which was, well, unexpected. CJ’s mind began to wonder … yep, 10 minutes later another … and fuck this was getting painful! Right … they had a plan.

“DAD! PAPA! It’s time to go!” she shouted as he did her best to heave herself off the sofa. “I’ll meet you at the car!”

“Go? Where?” came a call from upstairs.

“Hospital! Bab … ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … motherfucker!” she shouted as another contraction hit. Not quite 10 minutes. “Too many damned car remotes, by the way!” she commented as she grabbed what looked like the SUV keys where her “Go Bag” was stored.

“Baby?” Louis yelled from the top of the stairs. “Holy shit! Harry, untie yourself! The baby’s coming.”

Fucking horny middle-aged teenagers, CJ groaned to herself a she made her way to the door and pressed the remote starter button. Another obscene moaned wafted down the stairs. God she did not need to be hearing this right now. But she got the door open and slowly wobbled he way down the walk to the Range Rover parked in front of the house. Not a long walk, but still, bloody uncomfortable. And the damned thing hadn’t unlocked or started. She really hated the remote for this thing. She could never get it to work right. Again she pressed what seemed to be the unlock button – and nothing … well, except for another stream of moans and obscenities from the upstairs window. Louis seemed to be yelling at Harry, and from the sounds of it, Harry was enjoying it. The fuckers! She’s in labor and they decide to finish up? How rude!

“Hurry the fuck up already!” she shouted up to the open window above as she pressed the remote again. God damned thing – the battery must be dead. They never replace the batteries, just buy new fobs and keep the old ones. “Fucking batteries!” she shouted as she began pressing just about every button she could find. Every press was accompanied by a fresh string of moans and groans and shouts from upstairs – Dad was getting the rogering of his life, it seemed, while she was stood outside in her pajamas fighting with a damned remote.

Louis’ head suddenly popped out of the window and began yelling something at her. But between the pain and the noises coming from Harry, she only caught every other word, if that. “Buttons … stop … wrong … red button!”

Of course, she had a car like that before too. You had to press an “on” button on the back to unlock the buttons on the front. “Yeah, got it. Press the red button. Hurry!!”

Three things happened at once. CJ pressed the Red button. Louis nearly fell out of the window screaming “DON’T PRESS THE RED BUTTON!” And Harry … well .. Harry screamed so loud the neighbors orgasmed.

As soon as CJ realized what had happened, and that this was NOT the Range Rover remote, she threw it into the bushes. Not the best idea, since it must have hit something on the way down that tapped the red button again. Whatever it did, the sound that came from her Dad would have her in therapy for years to come.

~+~

By the time they arrived at the hospital, the contractions were still about 10 minutes apart, and both she and Harry looked in desperate need of a wheelchair. Jade had been called, and was flying down with his mother as soon as they could. Anne and Jay were both on the highway as well. Gemma was calling the other boys while Niall arranged a sitter for all of the kids, since their regular sitter was in active labor. And now it was a waiting game. The doctor confirmed that the baby was coming, but maybe not anytime soon. Active labor, but not imminent delivery. Well damn!

By the time the sun rose a few hours later, their family had overtaken an entire waiting lounge. Anne and Jay were in with CJ and Jade at the moment, offering all of the delivery advice they could think of. Harry and Louis were undergoing an intense interrogation from the Dowager Lady Westmorland (yes, that IS how she was to be addressed, thank you very much!), while Niall and the boys traded parenting war stories as if the others had not been present for most of them.

It was just after 9am when a young priest in his early 30’s entered the room. Jade’s smile was a direct contrast to the distinct frown the Dowager Lady Westmorland offered the man. “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, preach,” she commented sourly.

“It’s nice to see you too, Auntie,” the man said before turning to Jade. “Sorry I didn’t get here sooner. Got snarled in rush hour traffic from Canterbury.”

The mention of Canterbury brought forth a very dismissive snort from the good Dowager Lady. Simon just chuckled – she never would forgive him for working with “that uppity Southern Archbishop.”

Jade nodded and tightly embraced the man. “It’s OK, Simon. You made it in time. Everyone, this is my cousin, Simon Moreash. He’s a Priest working for the Archbishop of Canterbury. He’s agreed to marry CJ and I.”

Louis laughed a little. “A bit late mate, mate. She’s in labor. I doubt she’ll be fit for the church in two days.”

Simon shook his head and smiled. “No, he means now. As in, if you would all come with me.” With that he turned and left, heading down the hall to CJ’s room.

The Dowager Lady ruffled like a disgruntled seagull. “Well I never!” she exclaimed.

“You should have, it might have loosened you up a bit,” Zayn muttered as he passed her.

Five minutes later the full dozen were crowded into CJ’s room, much to the dismay of the nurse who was valiantly trying to check her vitals and keep her comfortable. Her water had broken about two hours ago, and things seems to be speeding up a little, but at last count she was only at 7cm and still had a way to go.

“Right,” Simon began as he swung his stole about his neck. “Shall we begin?”

Jade nodded furiously as he held CJ’s hand. Simon cleared his throat, opened his mouth to speak, and another contraction hit. Jaded screamed almost as loudly as she did, and Harry was certain he heard one of Jade’s fingers snap. CJ’s eyes snapped around to Anne and Jay at her other side with Harry and Louis. “That was close,” she stage whispered, “like, really close.”

They soothed her for a moment before nodding to Simon to begin again. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God and these…”

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” CJ shouted as another contraction hit, less than a minute after the last one. The nurse immediately came over, checked the monitor, and then ducked her head under the end of the blanket. She stood and pressed the call button on the end of the bed. 

“We will need to clear the room, father only please.”

“I will not have a bastard…” the Dowager began before Jade told her to shut the fuck up.

“Simon, please … the abridged version!”

“The what? Uhm … ok, right. Err… 

“Claudia Jean … is it Tomlinson-Styles or Styles-Tomlinson?”

“AAARRRGGGHHHH… I want to push!”

“Jesus … right … CJ, do you?”

“God damn it yes!”

“Close enough! JD, do you?”

“I do!”

“Then you’re done. We’ll fix it later. Excuse me; it’s getting entirely too National Geographic for my liking at this end.” And with the Simon led the charge of people hurriedly vacating the room.

Ten minutes later it was all over. If the midwife had been down in the cafeteria instead of at the nurse’s station she might have missed it herself (much to Jay’s disappointment – she was rather hoping to have a reason to jump in and help!). Even a week and a half early, the baby was perfectly healthy. And LOUD, very loud. But he was her baby, their baby.

Harry and Louis were the first family brought in to see their grandchild (the Dowager was too busy arguing with Niall about whether or not Ireland was the best country in the world). Harry was, of course, in tears. Louis, on the other hand, looked as if he was having a religious experience.

“Have you named him yet?” he asked as he cradled the sleeping baby in his arms, being all but cradled in Harry’s arms himself.

Jade and CJ looked at each other and nodded. “How does William Edward Samuel Fray sound to you?” Jade asked.

Louis just smiled and let the tears finally come. “Go on… say the rest.”

Jade laughed, “The presumptive Earl of Westmorland.”

“Yeah, that’s sounds about right for my grandson.”


End file.
